"Honey, what did we do before kids?": The Journey back to Self Love.
I laugh as I type the above statement. My hubby and I just got home from an ahhhmazing getaway to a place called Sparkling Hill. There was so much time for self love, reflection, connection, and then about half way through our vacay he asks me, "What did we do before kids?".
This lead me to writing this blog post. Because it sent me into deep reflection on where our life is now and where we were, before kids. My hope is that our last adventure and some insights I had will assist you in taking care of the one person that needs it the most, YOU! And how to feel calm, content and fulfilled with our without a couples getaway!
I have been feeling drained, happy, content, but drained. I LOVE my life and am sooo grateful for our two incredible children, and my booming side hustle that allows me to work from home and be there to see them grow up. But I have added a few nursing shifts back in the mix and juggling all left me feeling like my cup was running on empty. So for Christmas I suggested that my hubby and I go to Sparkling Hill for a couple nights to recharge our batteries. GREAT idea, but wait... who is going to watch the kids? We are sooo fortunate that my sister in law called up and offered to come watch the kids while we went away, so we booked it!
I was elated, counting down the days!! Anyone who knows me knows I LOVE adventures. So a few days before, I went out and bought a bunch of mine and my hubby's fave snacks and treats to munch on in the room. This was a must!
The day quickly arrived and I was overjoyed to pack up the truck and take off. I was definitely sad to say bye to the kids but I could feel in my bones that we needed this. Its always so tough leaving your kids for the first time, but after doing it now a couple times I realize it is soo good for them and us.
Its so important for your kids to get love from other people. My sister in law is amazing with them and its an extra special treat for them to receive her attention.
So back to the trip, upon arrival we jumped in to doing it all. Indulging in saunas, steam rooms, swimming in the pools, soaking in the hot tub, having long warm baths, reading books, munching on yummy food, drinking coffees, wine, beer, teas, water, you name it, we did it! Day two came along and my hubby went into town to do a work out (he is obsessed with Crossfit, and I love him for his dedication). I got to stay behind, what to do now?
A beautiful room all to myself. I sat in the quiet, overlooking the serene valley. I felt the call to do a meditation, so I pulled out my Headspace App and clicked next. It was one on Acceptance. There was a part when it said, "Ask yourself, what or who am I resisting?". The first few responses were superficial, then it came, the real one, the deep down one... I was resisting FLOW. And just as I realized it I broke out into tears.
I have come to the realization in the past couple years, I am addicted to the struggle. Seems crazy right, but its hardwired into my habits. We actually get a payoff when things are a struggle, or we relive old familiar patterns. One pattern for me is that I need to take care of everyone else and put myself last. Its crazy but I have so much guilt asking for what I want, putting myself first!!
So I end up focusing on the external. I will put so much pressure on myself; creating expectations on these perfect scenarios unfolding. This ultimately robs me of allowing things to flow. I had this big idea of how our retreat was going to go down, and although a lot of it was going how I imagined it, there were parts that weren't. I realized in this moment it was time to let go of expectations and trying to please everyone else; it was time to surrender to the moment and allow the FLOW.
There was a shift. My focus turned to me! Turned to connecting with myself and doing what I wanted. Not what I thought my hubby wanted or what I thought we 'should' be doing, but what made me most happy.
I realized this trip was about SELF LOVE, and I am not sure I even did this pre-kids. Yes I had a lot more time but I wasn't aware of what I wanted or what filled my cup. I started to see things outside me change as I took care of myself. I know this from the past, that when we can take care of ourselves we then are a better partner, parent, person. I was feeling peaceful, content, and intentional. It was bliss...oh wait I had felt this way before!!
I was reminded of why I started a morning routine, some time just for me to sit in the quiet and reflect and connect with me before the kids woke up! And guess what?! I have not been doing this routine for the past couple months; hence, the urgency for a getaway. I was living in the struggle, getting up when the kids woke up, taking care of their needs first, and by the time it was their bedtime, I was exhausted.
So as lovely as it was to sit and enjoy the quiet at Sparkling Hill, I know that the feeling of PEACE, CALM, FLOW comes when I take care of myself. So whether that is taking back some time in the mornings, or scheduling some time when my hubby is home to go do a yoga class, walk or maybe meditation, its sooo essential to DO IT!
My challenge to you, if you are feeling tired, snappy, frustrated, drained or all of the above, try taking some time for you tomorrow, or today, whenever you read this. Take some time, get quiet, do what you love to do, a bath, read a good book, eat your favourite chocolate or treat, go for a walk, book a massage, or maybe book a trip to Sparkling Hill. Whatever lights your soul on fire, do it for you!! Because I guarantee if you can make this act of self love a daily habit, not only will you benefit, but everyone else around you will too!!
Thank you for reading. I am so grateful for a platform to share my experiences with the world.
As always I love feedback: do you have a morning routine? What do you do that fills your cup? Have you had a getaway post kids with just you and your partner (we did have a lot of fun)? I would love to hear!
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