Returning to Work: A mom's story of indecision and a missing tooth!
BEFORE: Written Sept 18th (PRE shift back to nursing)
Tomorrow I am doing something that I still can't really believe, I am starting my reorientation to my nursing job. Okay so why is this a big deal? I am a nurse right, thats a great job, great income, seems natural that doing a reorientation would be normal to go back to work. Well... turns out this is one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made.
Rewind to a few weeks ago, my hubby and I had a conversation about our finances (fun right!?) and he very confidently said "I feel ready to take care of the kids if you want to go back to work!"
(I am sooooo lucky that my hubby is such a hands on daddy! He is incredible and I am so grateful for him everyday)
I think my jaw probably hit the floor, or in reality, I hid my shock way down deep. Because first of all who WANTS to go back to work and LEAVE their kids? Not me! There is a part of me that definitely likes my ME time for a few hours but the thought of doing an 8 hour shift away from my 9 month old baby was like a dagger to the heart (I know dramatic yes, but me... also yes).
Then there was a part of me that remembered that I will be going on a trip to Mexico very soon, and maybe this would be a great way to transition into being able to leave her. UGH I am feeling sick still just writing that... sigh. Growth, getting uncomfortable, challenging old beliefs; these are not easy tasks, if I have learned anything it is that growth = a long road with an abundance of ups and downs.
Then there was the social aspect, getting back out and seeing people. That seems like fun. I weighed the pros and the cons, I hummed and I hawed. I felt guilt and anger and resentment, and in true Rikki fashion I stuffed it all down. Until it came out in another way, cause guess what, it will always find a way out.
I will explain... After a couple weeks of indecision, I took the plunge and went for it. Going back to work that is. It turns out I am lucky enough to be casual at my job, and still get call outs for shifts on my unit. I knew there was lots of work and that as soon as I reached out it was probably going to happen very quickly. And it did. Soon I was booked in for my orientation.
Then my teeth started to hurt, not a lot at first, just a slight ache. I called the dentist and actually cancelled my appointment thinking it would go away. Long story short here, after an excruciating night of pain and an emergency visit to the dentist on call, I had a tooth pulled out!
( To purchase this fun book click the link above)
This book talks about ailments in the body and their cause. Turns out teeth and infections equals difficulties with decision making...
Sooo the tooth is out, I have made the decision to go back to work, now lets just get on with it already!
I Survived!! (Written after the first shift)
After I wrote the above, I tucked myself into bed and fell into a mini panic attack!!! Deep breathing, crying, hatching cunning plans on how I could call in sick to the shift! I reached out for some support, and got a reply, "she will not be harmed". It was exactly what I needed to hear, and she wouldn't be. Emery would be totally okay, and I was reminded one more time to TRUST!
Fast forward to the evening... It happened. I went to work, minimal to no tears, lots of smiles and great convos with so many incredible coworkers, patients, friends, people. Some challenges, some surprises. And Emery did amazing, my husband did amazing, we all survived and it was a new experience for growth.
I am reminded here to embrace the uncomfortable, to jump in and give it your best. That the uncomfortable often leads to growth, and that is what I know we are put on this planet to do: GROW!
TODAY: Sept 22st
It wasn't easy to make the decision to go back to work, and my indecisiveness cost me a tooth. In the end I was not as terrible as my mind was making the situation to be. I realize today that I am stronger than I 'think', I am capable of a lot, my daughter is capable of a lot, and my husband is capable of a lot!
I also realize that I am soo hard on myself. As mom's I think we feel the need to be everything to everyone all the time. What about ourselves? I think that we need to remember what is important to us as well, and take care of our needs too. AND GIVE OURSELVES A BREAK ONCE IN AWHILE!!!
If you are heading back to work, or leaving your kids for the first time, hopefully you can find peace in knowing that your brain is making it harder on you than it really will be. Hopefully you can trust more, and allow people to support you through the transition!
You are all capable of greatness!!
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