Saying Goodbye: Leaving your kids for the first time
Ahh I could cry already thinking about this topic, so vulnerable for me. Here it goes...
I am a momma to two beautiful children: Jase, 2 and a half and Emery, almost 9 months. They are my life. I woke up to living when they were born. Don't get me wrong, I loved life before, but not like this. Not like this uncontrollable love, where your heart hurts everyday thinking of how grateful you are that they came to you, that you could kiss them all over all day long, that you want to protect them from any hurt, that you could NEVER EVER imagine leaving them!!! Okay yes on some days when they are screaming, not listening, not napping, and plain driving me up the wall, I can imagine my great escape, but then they do something so sweet that it snaps me back to just loving being their momma!
Some of you may not have the emotional gut reaction to leaving your kiddos. I know some people who have had to go back to work shortly after their baby was born, or go on a trip, or leave them for family emergencies. I have been blessed that my company encourages us to do this business alongside our kids, so both my kids of come with me on work trips and its been such an incredible learning experience! There is one trip that they can not come with me on (trust me I wish they could), but I understand the reasoning.
My all expense paid 5 star resort vacation to Puerto Vallarta for a guest and myself that I earned with a year long consistent dedication to my business! I am so grateful for these trips, I forfeited the first trip I earned because of this very reason, saying goodbye. Jase was soo little and I wasn't ready. So I said goodbye to my sisters and did my best to enjoy the time at home with my new family. The second trip I earned my hubby and I were able to go. We left my little man for the first time (the both of us) when he was a year and a half. He had a great time, my family kept sending lots of pics of him having fun, I knew it was good for him.
This time my little lady with be 10 and a half months, she is still breastfeeding as I am doing this blog with no signs of slowing down. Enter guilt, sadness and fear. Guilt because I want to continue to be there, to breastfeed her, to put her down for every nap. Guilt because I have spent the last 90-99% of her life with her, guilt because I will be doing something for me.
Sadness, that I already miss her so much it breaks my heart, sadness that she will cry and miss me and I wont be there, sadness that she wont understand.
Fear that she might not breastfeed when I get back (and I am not ready to give it up). People do this right? Leave their babies while breastfeeding and come home and continue. I guess thats the BIGGEST fear. I am crying writing this because I think she is my last baby. The last time I will breastfeed, I am just not ready. I am not ready for her to be growing up, I don't want to miss a thing of her precious little life.
So as excited as I am to be going on this trip, I have not yet let myself think of what it will be to leave and say goodbye.
Goodbyes to me have always been so tough. My parents spit up when I was quite young and goodbyes were always followed by uncertainty: when would we see each other again, when would we speak, long periods of hope and disappointment, or wishes and hopes followed by waiting. I believe this is why goodbyes strike such an emotional cord. Even when I leave my hubby for a couple days, I cry. Anyone else out there like this?!
Back to leaving, how do we cope and still have FUN?
1. Acknowledge your Emotions and let them OUT:
Okay so I have always been an emotional person, I think this is a good thing. I didn't always feel this way. I would shut my emotions down and burry them deep. Again a realization from my PET training was that shutting that down only leads to them coming out in another way, sometimes anger for me. So I now allow myself to cry, and I do it in front of my kids.
2. Get Support and Focus on the GOOD:
When I left Jase for the first time I was in the middle of my PET training. I had so much help and support. I HUGE tip I received was to focus on the good things that could come from me going. Focus on the growth for me: learning how to say goodbye and knowing its not the END, learning that as I fill my cup and do things for me that I am a better momma to my kids, learning that my kids are going to be okay without me, that these experiences make me love them that much more, learning that it is good for my kids to be in the care of other people who love and cherish them.
A quote that stuck with me:
"Attune yourself to the truth of what you are receiving from doing something not what you
think it is taking from you" - ACJM
3. Finally TRUST:
This is something I remind myself daily. Letting go of the fear and focusing on the good is only effective if you can TRUST that it is all going to be okay. If your life is filled with a lot of fear and doubt then maybe it would help to dig into that. Mine comes from my childhood. I now take solitude in knowing I am a grown woman and I have the power to decide to choose my thoughts. I am working on CHOOSING more positive thoughts! There is an amazing book that helped me with this called 'The Universe has your Back' by Gabrielle Bernstein.
So as tough as it is to think about saying goodbye, it is getting easier. I am consistently reminding myself to focus on the possibilities, the positives, and reminding myself to trust. If Emery is mean to still breastfeed after my trip then she will breastfeed. I have to take comfort in that fact. I also choose to allow myself to enjoy this trip, because I deserve this time. I deserve to celebrate with my amazing team, and the people who have inspired me to reach my goals. This time my husband is staying with the kids so I know this will be an incredible bonding experience for them.
Thank you for reading! I so appreciate each and every one of you. I know there is a lot of content and its my honour you took the time to read mine.
If you found value here please subscribe below. I would also love to hear your feedback!
When did you first leave your kids? Or maybe you haven't yet? How did you cope? Comment below.